The rec center and my emotions~

Sunday at the rec center, I wasn't the only one there that morning.

Fred continues to walk the track daily.  He has to be around 93 by now.

I want to be like Fred.  Making myself better one step at a time.

It kinda dawned on me yesterday, after watching a video on healing through

cancer and hearing that cancer could be caused by emotional

feelings that are kept tightly inside our bodies and brains,

that I need to make some changes in the way I feel about things right now.

I need to dig deeper into the feelings of anxiety and heal myself.

No one deserves to get cancer, especially very small children.

They are pure and I find it hard to believe that their cancer was caused from

emotions that were seeded into their little bodies.

My breast cancer on the other hand might have been caused by my past emotions.

My feelings of insecurity, lack of confidence and just plain 

not liking myself.  

I need to work on those.

Kristin and I talked yesterday about dad as a little boy.

His life wasn't good.  He grew up without a mother and pretty much a father, he

and his brothers were raised by their grandparents.

His mother left them when they were little boys.

How sad...however, it molded my dad into the wonderful person he was.

Very kind and caring.  Somehow, he made up the years of sadness by becoming

a different person and not letting his past get in the way of his future.

We miss not being able to talk to him about his past.

We only found out a lot when we were cleaning out their house.

Letters, notes, photographs and notebooks... enclosed history about his past.

Yet, talking to him wasn't an option.

He was sinking deeper into the dementia hole. 

I will work on myself and get myself out of my hole and continue to 

become the person that my dad was proud of.

My parents raised kind and caring kids...I have to remember that.